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As the guys head on up Pop is trying to think of what to do next.
Crackle: "Ooo chips! Can I have some?" says glaring at the mouth watering big bag of baked ranched potato chips.
Snap: "Here I'm full. So what floor are we going to Pops?" coughs. "Pop."
Pop: "I'm trying to remember what floor the secret door to the magic realm is on, I think it's either 9 or 13, possibly both"
Crackle: coughs on chips "What," he starts trying to clear his throat, " we can't go there! If anyone finds us on the 13th floor we're toast. You know what happened to the original rice crispy guys; may they rest in peace." He Does a sign of the cross in the air with his left hand.  
Pop: "They were caught selling cereal on the black market; we just so happened to stop on the wrong floor- caupiech."  He says never taking his eyes off the glowing numbers as they change while they continue to ascend the floors.

Corporate had caught the original gang selling on the black market using a computer on the 13th floor and were never seen or heard of again. Corporate didn't take kindly to misbehavior. The 13th floor was where most of the corporate offices where.
Snap: "I sure hope there isn't any late meeting going on," Says with concern in his voice.
Pop: "Oh you two stop being a bunch of babies. We've been with the company a long time, nothing's going to happen."   They try anything with me and I'll kill them first.
Snap stops the elevator at 13, doors open. Someone hears the elevator bell. "Who the hell is coming here at this time of night?" They get off, Pop leads the way ready to make a left at the first corner and Count Chocula (CCH) is there holding a box of pure milk chocolate.
Chocula: "Oh crap. If anyone finds me with this I'll be sleeping in my coven permanently." Throws the box into the room on the left just as the guys make the turn and thinks one of them might have caught him in the act.
CCH: "Hey you guys, what are you doing here?" Says trying not to act nervous, His eyes quickly look at the box then back at them.
Pop: "Us, what are you doing here?" squints staring at him. Crackle sees a door open and looks inside.
Crackle: "Oh sweet mama, it's a box off pure milk chocolate. It's my lucky night." Pulls a bar out unwraps it and takes a bite. "Emmmemmmm this is damn good stuff." He takes another bite.
CCH: "Hey get out of there! Stop eating my cho…" clears his throat "I mean that chocolate, it's not yours." He starts to walk toward Crackle, Pop quickly reply's.
Pop: "Hold on right there Count, that chocolate isn't yours either. Aren't you still on probation? You have what, two more months to go before you can have chocolate again." He says sounding sly with a devilish smirk forming.
CCH: " do you know that? My mother doesn't even know about that." Is shocked, Snap and Crackle apparently didn't know also, both wide eyed staring at the Count.
Pop: "I know a lot of things, including that incident in the magic realm when you had w-a-a-a-y to much chocolate and started that bar fight that sent a lot of people to the ER." He says with arms crossed looking Count in the face.
Crackle: Drops the chocolate bar, "That was you?! My cousin was one of those people you Son of a bitch!"  
Snap: "Calm down there scrappy." Smirks
Pop: "So this is what's going to happen," Says looking Count Chocula straight in his eyes. "You are going to tell us where the magic realm door is and we are not going to tell anyone what we saw here."
Crackle sneaks a few more bars, Count looking very aggravated, everyone is quiet for a moment eying each other.
CC:  Count takes a deep breath, "Fine! It's in there; the back closet has the secret door. Now leave me and my chocolate in peace."
The Rice crispy gang head for the closet and fine a door at the back. Pop opens the door and rushes in, the others follow. The Count smirks as he watches.
CCH: "Fools, they didn't even bother to ask where the door leads to; they won't last five minutes. Hhmmhmmmhmmuhuhahahahahaaaaaa!"  Begins to laugh then eyes the chocolate, "oh sweet chocolate, come to poppa."  
To be continued.. next The Magic Realm.
Another part to this little adventure.
Pro's: *Facedesks* Yet another job well done! (I also thank you for providing something to be critiqued, I've been wanting to Critique someone but I couldn't find much with all the visual artists...Anyway enough rambling on.) Chocolate probation? I'd hate that. I looooooove my chocolate! ....Oh right critique. As always MAGIC SPOON! You've kept me in the dark for how long? And a closet? Is this some kind of messed up/randomly amazing video game? Eh whatever it's always good to read your work.

Cons: The bad thing is not being able to found anything bad. Though I'm pretty sure there was one or two mistakes. Like you had 'stared' instead of 'started that bar fight' but I think that is about it.

Rating time!! (If I can remember how I do it. xD)

Creativity: 4/5
Story-line: 4/5
Characters: 4/5
Originality: 4/5

Over all: 26/30

Over all comment: Always a pleasure to read your work, I love magic and apparently magic spoons that otherwise don't exist in the real world, then again for all we know they could. o_o

But as always a great job.
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Submitted on
November 16, 2012
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